Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Got my life back at 12:15.

This morning I woke up and I thought I was dying. At least 95% dead. My vision was all blurry, my muscles ached and I had the worst headache ever. I rolled over to look at my clock, which is actually just a pocket-watch hanging off a naked barbie, and it said I had been asleep for at least 11 hours. What the heck. I thought that maybe I was feeling bad because my room was so dark, like how flowers shrivel up at night but come out in the sun. I don't know why I thought this, but in my delirious state it seemed like a perfectly logical explanation. I rolled out of bed onto the mammoth pile of clothes and books on my floor, and pretty much crawled outside onto the lounge chair. I felt like Bear Grylls in the Sahara, dragging my dehydrated carcass across the bricks and out into the sun. I collapsed onto the chair, and as I lay there I realised how much of a bad idea it was. The sun was so hot I thought I was on fire. My head throbbed and I could feel my pasty vampire skin burning on the spot. I closed my eyes trying to block out all the feeling in the hope that I wouldn't have to move anymore.
I lay there for about 20 minutes just willing myself to feel better, and gathering the strength to get me to the kitchen.
A good half hour later, I staggered into the house, bracing myself on the kitchen bench. I gathered together an assortment of about 10 pills from Mum's health corner of the pantry, and washed them down with a good strong coffee. This got me as far as the couch where I collapsed face first into the cushions and fell asleep again. Again! What the hell? I lay there wanting to die, wondering how in the world I am going to cope in Vietnam with our days packed with actual things apart from slow and painful death. But as I was walking through the house, at 12:15, all of a sudden I felt fine, I felt fucking great! I was on top of the world, and out of nowhere I launch into this crazy planning and cleaning spree. I cleaned the bathrooms, picked up all of the crap off my floor, washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen, heck-I even scrubbed the bloody toilets. I was in the mood for planning, oh! What a day to make plans, grand plans! Grander! Bigger! Im going to cook a three course meal for dinner that involves some sort of flambe, I'm going to become an artist and sell my paintings, I'm going to learn guitar, and piano, and I'm going to get fit, so fit, look at my brand new training program! Oh I love planning, I plan everything. I plan my day, plan my week.I make lists, oh the lists! So many lists, lists of what to take overseas, lists of what I eat, what movies I'm going to see, things that I want to do before I die. When I'm in these moods I am the queen of lists.I love them, even though I know that most of the things I'm planning wont even happen ever. But I enjoy making them.
I have been having weird dreams about animals lately. No, nothing like that. I mean, the other night I had a dream that I was being eaten alive by wolves in a swimming pool, and then there was that one about being chased by a family of snakes, and then last night I dreamt that I was rescuing a puppy from this gigantic swing made out of logs. HA! I wonder what I will dream about tonight. I wish you could chose what to dream about. They always feel so real! Once I had a dream that Justin Timberlake invited me back to his place and started trying to make out with me and I was like "Ew um, I'm 14 and you probably have a billion diseases." I thought I was being completely logical in a not-so-weird situation but then I woke up and realised what I was dreaming about and freaked myself OUT! Haha. Anyway, I'll tell you what I dream about :D

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Formspring answers,


Whoever you are, you made my day. I've decided that formspring is not just for cyber-bullying. Haha.

Friday, September 24, 2010

I hope these shoes are waterproof.

I hate people who drink milk out of the bottle. I can't stand it. They're the type people who go through the '12 items or less' checkout with 18 things, or the people who always seem to text you when you're right in that moment before you fall asleep and scare the shit out of you. Well, dear people, today I have become one of you.  That's right. I drank from the carton. I've done it before, when I was little, but it was always a sneaky, half a second gulp before I put it away. Today I opened the fridge, grabbed the milk, had a few sips and put it right back. I didn't even use it for anything, just drank it. As soon as I did it I felt myself morph into one of them. *Dark, ominous sounding music* Those leave-20-tops-on-the-fitting-room-floor, not-covering-the-food-when-it-goes-in-the-microwave people. And it felt good. It's sad to say that drinking milk from the bottle counts as one of the baddest things I do on your average day. And it was soy milk, so it's not like anyone else is going to drink it anyway. I have decided however, that I have had such a good karma, pay it forward, smile with your heart day that I am entitled to at least a little horrible slob behaviour.

This morning I got up at 6:30. Which is pretty frecking early when you're currently me. Which doesn't really make sense because you're not me, and most likely will never be, but if you're anything like the current me then you get the picture. Oh my god that's so not even relevant to the story, I'm lost. Okay. ANYWAY, I'm kind of glad that my alarm went off at that particular time, because it conveniently interrupted an insanely vivid dream in which I was being chased by a family of snakes. Not kidding, a whole family. Probably something to do with the fact that I was thinking about the next Harry Potter movie, for which I had seen the trailer the night before (Super excited about it, btw.) which, obviously, contains snakes. Well, one snake. But yeah. So the reason I was up so early was so that I could go to help out one of mum's friends in this cafe she owns. She is super sweet, and is short staffed at the moment, so I offered to give her a hand before I went to my body balance class. I spent the morning chopping veggies and peeling avocados, as well as labeling all sorts of amazing foods. Kind of harsh to have to write it all out and not get to eat any of it :( Ah, and so goes the pain of my terrible life. Haha. I did it for free because I was going to be in Alstonville anyway, and I felt like doing something nice.

At 9:30 I went to what I had been told was a 'body balance' class, but which turned out to be a yoga/tai chi/meditation session. The full hippy experience was on offer today! So off I went, to this little place called "Happy Mountain" -yes, the name does give it away, to any clear thinking individual-which I obviously am not. As soon as I step into Happy mountain I am hit in the face with a cloud of incense so strong I almost fall over. I move up the stairs cautiously, pushing my way through the smokey vapours, like tarzan pushing aside vines and what not in the jungle-or so I imagine he would do so. I go past candles and little arrangements that I have no idea are actually legitimate shrines, I just assume that someone ran out of space for buddhas and leaves upstairs... When I get up there, there is the sweetest, most welcoming, light aura omitting hippy woman there to greet me and welcome me into this strange and wonderful place. She's decked out completely, checking all the boxes with her burgandy hair tied loosely underneath a pink and silver scarf, her shoulders draped with a dark shawl, loose yoga pants, bare feet, nose piercing and beautiful smile. She stands at the front of the class, her hands pressed together at her chest, welcoming us into this 'sanctuary of peace and light.' Her voice is like honey; soothing, sweet and calming. She instructs us to bow to our 'inner light.' And so the fun begins.
We do an interesting combination of different stretches, strength excercises and breathing/meditation. It is all very relaxing and peaceful. Except I have to stop myself from laughing a few times. There is this one pose, called "observing the clouds," which looks exactly as it sounds. You stand with your feet wide apart, hands on hips, and turn your shoulders to the side, leaning back as if you're looking at the sky. A whole room full of people doing this looks absolutely ridiculous. Especially when the roof is low.


Another of my favourites is the oh-so-dignified "Himalayan pose," which goes a lil' somethin' like this...
Achieved.
After my enlightening visit to Happy Mountain, I went back up to the shop and put in another 3 hours of decent work. I found myself actually making the food, as well as taking orders and serving coffee. By God I make some mean thai fish cakes. Haha. It was a pretty fun day, and I don't really mind working for free, especially since they were all so nice. I think I am doing it all again tomorrow, with an even earlier start. Plus today I sent out a few more lovely notes in the mail. Oh oh! I almost forgot. Yesterday a lady called me to say I had somehow acquired a free hair, make-up and photo shoot session worth $450 for free as part of some promotion thing I can vaguely remember signing up for online. Unfortunately for me, it happens in Sydney so I couldn't afford to go. But luckily for Kate and Shannyn, who do live in Sydney, they are now participating on my behalf, and I can't wait to see the photos :) All this goodness is making me feel like Jesus, I'll be walking on water next week. Maybe not. At any rate, I'll be able to get away with leaving the trolley in the middle of the car-park at Coles! As for right now, I'm off to eat some peanut butter out of the tub. Peace :)

Thursday, September 23, 2010

lookbook.

So I finally got around that damn "Error 503" that has been haunting me forEVER and uploaded a new look. I know, go and sigh about how superficial and vain it is etc etc. But we both know that now you have lookbook on the brain you're going to spend the next 3 hours (at least!) trawling pages and pages of looks, taking notes about what you absolutely must buy next time you go shopping. Which is going to be tomorrow. Haha. It's a curse isn't it? I never get any decent hypes, but I like posting it all the same. Click the button if you like it :)


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

How does this even happen?


The Prize Doesn’t Always Go To The Most Deserving

Irena Sendler1910-2008
A 98 year-old German woman named Irena Sendler recently died. During WWII, Irena worked in the Warsaw Ghetto as a plumbing/sewer specialist. Irena smuggled Jewish children out; infants in the bottom of the tool box she carried and older children in a burlap sack she carried in the back of her truck. She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto. The soldiers wanted nothing to do with the dog, and the barking covered the kids’ and infants’ noises. Irena managed to smuggle out and save 2500 children. She eventually was caught, and the Nazis broke both her legs, arms and beat her severely. Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and kept them in a glass jar buried under a tree in her backyard. After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived and reunited some of the families. Most had been killed. She helped those children get placement into foster family homes or adopted.
Last year Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize. She was not selected. Al Gore won - for a slide show on Global Warming.

I'm sorry, but fuck that. 

Saturday, September 18, 2010

The unreality.


Im dizzy. It feels like my head is a million miles from me feet, perched precariously on my shoulders. I feel like I'm falling, expecting to hit the ground I close my eyes but the impact never comes. Maybe I'm flying instead. Yes, I'm flying, or floating. I don't know, and I'm trying to figure out if I care either way when all of a sudden I'm walking. Slowly, concentrating on moving forward, hunched over I let the racing thoughts in my mind bounce off my back in all directions, trying to hold onto the one that keeps me taking another step. I sway with each movement, drifting aimlessly down the corridor. I can't see clearly. There is a fog in my brain. I can't be sure if this moment is actually happening now or if it was yesterday, or last week, or in five years. It just doesn't feel like now. It feels like the shell of now, as if this space of time simply crawled out and left behind it's skin, like snakes and cicadas do. My eyes won't focus on anything, every movement is slow and cumbersome, such an effort. I move my arm to push open the door but it feels like it's moving through water, or maybe it feels like it is water. And suddenly I'm sitting at a neat little desk in my brain, just behind my eyes, looking out at the enormous world. The desk is crowded with spinning knobs and buttons, with no pattern or order whatsoever. I search fruitlessly for the de-mister button, and then realise that I wouldn't even know what I'm looking for. I press buttons and turn dials trying desperately to control this heavy, lethargic mass that I am unwillingly responsible for. My chest tightens, it's hard to breathe. The walls press in on me from every side, I'm struggling under the crushing weight, dizzy and suffocating in the fog. I push a lever and the body lurches forward, gripping to the bench to stop the world from spinning. I stare out the window at the mirror, searching for my reflection in this enormous vehicle. I stand there for months, or maybe it was only a second, or a day. Searching, waiting. But all I see is black emptiness, filling the eyes that stare back at me from a face I don't even recognise.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Wisdom.

So yesterday I had to go to the doctor's to get my typhoid injection before the trip, and because Mum was working I got the undeniable pleasure of having my Grandad and his partner Col (they're gay) take me up to Alstonville. Unfortunately I had forgotten that the nurse goes on lunch from 1:00 til 2:00, so we rocked up at 1:03 and I actually nearly shot the receptionist when she said we had to come back in an hour. I don't know where all that intense rage came from. You know when you're going along about your daily business all fine and then all of a sudden something little happens and BAM, you morph into this soul scorching rage demon from hell. I actually had to speak to myself and tell my brain that it wasn't the lady's fault and that it most probably was my brain's fault for forgetting the nurse goes to lunch at one. So like a completely normal person I was standing there at the desk with them all looking at me expectantly whilst I was having a silent screaming match in my head, complete with eye twitching and the works.

So anyway, I wandered aimlessly around this little country town with the olds for an hour just "hanging out" or, as Zac so eloquently put it; "working on the inheritance." Grandad so firmly believes he already has all that he needs in life, that he simply refused to come into any shops at all. He literally stood in the doorway of each shop and watched us while we looked around. He's mostly deaf too, so Colin would spend the time in the shop bitching about Grandad and his poor attitude. And my god can that old man bitch!
At one point, we passed a man trying to fix something to the handle of one of those blind person walking sticks. Colin goes: "Pffft, that man isn't blind! He just pretends to be blind so he gets more attention." Then Grandad tried to stick up for the poor guy shouting "He's got tunnel vision!" (because he's deaf and he shouts everything) and Col goes, "Oh we've all got bloody tunnel vision don't we? Doesn't mean you have to romp around with one of those great ruddy sticks and all." Haha. He comes from England so everything he says is in this posh accent and he has the darling habit of spitting a bit when he talks.

He sent me this video on facebook that day which was 3 'little people' doing Beyonce's single ladies dance. He says to me "My sister sent me that. She knows it gets to me. I can't stand midgets. No, no, I actually have a phobia of them. If I see one in the street, the hairs stand up on the back of my neck and I feel cold and clammy. God forbid if one might touch me or look at me or speak to me, I think I might actually faint. It's a serious phobia. The video is a bit politically incorrect, but I guess it is actually politically correct because it's the little people doing something for themselves that they want to do." Oh man.

Last time we had them over for dinner, Col started talking about how he couldn't go shopping because he was getting too fat. The conversation went like this.
Col; "...and we went into Big W to get jeans, no it might have been K-Mart. Rex! Where was it where I got those jeans? Was it big W or K-Mart? Rex! The jeans, do you remember-"
Rex; *yelling*" Those brown shoes? But aren't you a size nine?"
Col; "Oh for fuck's sake. The jeans! Jeans! you idiot."
Rex; *yelling* "Shears? What shears?"
Col; (to us) "And you wonder why I'm going fucking insane."

Monday, September 13, 2010

Links and Thinks.

So today I finally looked up some of the websites that I had saved in my phone, and thought I'd share them with you. Hopefully there are some newbies in there that you can use to procrastinate and avoid doing whatever you're meant to be doing right now. Haha. P.S Save about 3 hours and a pot of coffee for the last link.

This first one is a bit full on, and kind of made me want to vomit. In a sea of weight loss and diet blogs, this one definitely changes the way you see the world. Especially if you don't need a special device on a stick to wipe your own a....
http://biggerfatterblog.blogspot.com
It is a blog written by someone who calls them self "Fat Bastard" and, well, I'll let it speak for itself...
“The days of justifying our fatness by lying and saying we have a mysterious genetic or metabolic disorder are over. We now freely admit to and embrace what the fat haters would call gluttony. We are fat because we eat huge amounts of food and we like it.” 
This one is hilarious, and a bit similar to "Look at that fucking person" but just from Walmart. Oh and it's funny because some of the people I saw in there, made me want to die. haha.
www.peopleofwalmart.com

Another goodie is regretsy. This person just has the most random things to say, and the blog is great for trawling when you're super bored and sick of reading people's attention seeking status updates and all that shittery. It's mostly just funny stuff that has shown up on etsy, which can also be a great site on a better day. i actually just spent most of the evening on it laughing my ass off.
http://www.regretsy.com

Shameless plugging of my other sites;
www.thelovelynotesproject.blogspot.com -- Nothing too busy right now, but keep checking back for updates!
www.icharlot.tumblr.com -- A collection of my favourite photos, quotes and inspirational business.

Aaaand lastly, it's no Philosoraptor, but it has the same effect.
Sometimes, this would make a lot more sense.

Ok I lied, one more. If you really feel like some deep thought, click here and let me know if you solve one. I'll buy you some chilli chocolate. ;)

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Quote of the week.


Mum: Oh that kid reminds me of someone! Who's that little singer...
Me: Justin Bieber?
Mum; No! That skinny little guy with the tattoos that everyone thinks is good looking but isn't.
Me: Justin Timberlake...? Jared Leto?
Mum; Nah, Rob someone.
Me: Robbie Williams?
Mum; Yeah, Robbie Williams.

Oh Muz.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Losing it.

You know how you have those days where you look around and realise that no one is really looking out for anyone, and everyone is just in it for themselves. I don't know. Some days you just need someone or something to reassure you that everything isn't going to shit. Today is one of those days.

Funniest thing happened yesterday though. There was this weird noise coming from the kitchen, it was like a beeping/ticking sound and I was looking everywhere and couldn't figure out where it was coming from. I yelled out to Louie to come in and have a look to see if he could find what it was. He walks in and stands still for about 5 seconds, and then starts bobbing up and down to the sound of the noise going "Snape, Snape, Severus Snape..." Oh I nearly died I was laughing so hard. Sometimes he can be the sweetest little boy. Oh, and the noise was coming from the smoke alarm.

I'm sorry. I've written about 4 paragraphs of absolute bullshit that I have chosen to delete rather than laser your brain cells out with. Ugh my ability to string together a half decent sentence is gone. I'm going to go and continue to drown my sorrows in a mammoth cup of chai and chocolate brownies. Adieu.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Is it wrong to sabotage someone's diet?

That is this weeks million dollar question.
So today I went to the doctors and found out I have to take malaria tablets for the entire time I am away. Every day. Right now I am super pumped about the fact that I will be arriving at Kuala Lumpur airport with 100 little white pills in tow. Sweet.

A little disappointed with myself for not having seen season 3 of Gossip Girl yet. I went to hire it today but it was 12 bucks for 3 days which is just not doable right now. Ugh, budgets. 


Speaking of ugh, good one Stephanie Rice for posting "sucked in faggots" on her twitter account. Seriously? The fact that she is someone who is semi famous just makes it even worse. Way to go, hero.


I finished making most of the little notecards for my project, if you haven't read about it yet you can do that here. I plan on handing them out soon, but I don't want to do it all in Ballina, and I want to actually hand them to the right people. So I will keep you posted, and keep putting updates on the project blog. The best thing about the project at the moment is that I get to use my typewriter which is amazing fun. I am loving it. This morning I sat out on the lawn and typed away in the sun, it was magical.

Another little project I'm working on is making some necklaces. I bought a whole lot of little glass jars from the craft shop and I'm making little potions to put in them. At the moment I have a list of about 5 including Felix Felicis, Polyjuice Potion, Instant Darkness Powder and Amortentia. I think they're really cute and I can't  wait to get them done, I'll post a picture when I finish it :) And yes, I got the idea from that photo I put up a few posts ago.

This is a photo I took of Louie on the weekend. It is one of my favourites of him because it's his real smile. I printed it out to frame for Mum today.

Took my SD cards into the camera shop to see if they could get my old deleted photos off them. When I picked them up it had cost me $40. Got home all excited and ready to see all my old pics but I load them up and it's about 100 photos that I already have. Fuuuuu- God I love spending money on sweet nothings.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Cigar Madness.

So I brought home a couple of really nice cigars for Zac from America, which he was pretty pumped about. Because he was up over the weekend, he got one out on Saturday night and him and Arty pretended to be gangster's for a bit while I took some pictures. Personally, I thought it tasted freaking horrible and smelt like death, but the boys seemed to enjoy it! Here they are, and yeah, Arty stole my hat. Ha. 

Ahh that is only a couple of them but it's taking ages to load so that will have to do. I'm knackered from the weekend. Louie's grand final today so I was on photography duty there all game. They won by heaps but I didn't really get any good shots, need a zoom lens for sure. Oh well. Booked my flights down to the island yesterday so I will be there for almost a week in October. Really excited to see everyone so I'm already planning out things to do. Actually really looking forward to some good sushi :D Ah heaven.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Earth.

I saw this video this morning on some morning show. By the time it had finished I was actually bawling my eyes out. It is such a sad and beautiful thing. You have to watch it. The guy in it has cancer, and it is a birthday video for his wife. Personally, I would have liked it better without the other people in it, but hey. It's amazing.



I just watched it again and cried, again.  You can just feel his heart breaking. It's so unfair that something so shit happens to such beautiful people. It really makes you take a step back and realise that your problems actually don't matter. It brings you back down to Earth and shakes all the petty dramas out of your mind. Like when you clean a window and you don't realise how much dirt and stuff was on it until you get it all off. That's what this video did to my brain. So I couldn't not share it with you. Hopefully it had the same effect.

Quote of the week.


Ok so we were at lunch today (Louie, Dad and I) and we were talking about something-I can't even remember what-and the conversation went like this:

Dad: What do you reckon Char?
Char: We'll I'd prefer if [option A] happened, but then again I am a bit biased...
Louie: Wait! Wait. *really puzzled and shocked expression* Does that mean you like boys and girls?
Char: No, honey. That's bisexual.

The two guys sitting at the next table nearly choked on their braised beef salad as we spent the next 10 minutes explaining the difference between being biased and bisexual.

Then Louie finds a bush rat and decides to feed it his pancakes but somehow gets bitten on the finger. Fyi this thing was the size of a freaking turkey. Then he nearly cried when the lady at the other table told him he needed to go straight to hospital and get a rabies shot. We left so quickly we nearly ran out without paying. Oh family lunch, how I love you.

This photo is the best. Flipping love Totoro. Might hire it tomorrow. 

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Turkish Delight.

You know when you see a picture and it just makes you feel happy? Well, I have collected a few of my favourites from all over the internet to share with you and make your day that little bit better. :) Don't mention it!
I am really determined to make this dress/jumper someday soon. It is actually amazing.




Oh so cool. It's like living in one of those chocolate and cream rolls. You know the ones that you used to get when you still called recess 'play-lunch'? That was just me? Oh...

Ok so I lied, this one makes me want to cry. I want to go. I hope someone goes. The poor man. 

bdjfklsmgfj. So freaking awesome. I want to make a necklace with this on the end. Agh love it. 


This is just pretty.


haha.


I love this one piece. Tried it on about a month ago and I can tell you it didn't look like that on me.


Is it sad if you wake up on September one and think this?

Hate when this happens.

SMORES! Definitely teaching the family how to make them this weekend. 

That's all the loveliness for today. Talk soon! 


Spare the change.

If you had asked me 18 months ago what my biggest fears were, I would have said number one is being buried alive and the second is change. The first one is kind of obvious...duh, but you have to read into the second one a little. I thought I was being all smart and economical at the time, because 'change' incorporates so many bad things all at once. Death is change, new things push you into situations and experiences that make you feel uncomfortable. Moving house forces you to leave behind a part of your past. By breaking up with someone-or beginning a new relationship-you risk disrupting whatever balance you have in your life already.
I spent my life doing drafts and rough copies of everything, everything, so that I could know exactly what to expect and I didn't have to trust anything or anyone other than myself. I saw it as being prepared, being safe and being smart. But now I am starting to see it differently.

November 2009, the first milestone, the final day of school. It is a day that you hope for and dread, the day that you never think will actually come around. You hold onto that last week like hell, but it just flies past. It is terrifying to think that you step out of the gates and into the world, that you're on your own for sure. But it comes around and it goes past and you wake up the next day and it's ok. You haven't fallen off the edge of the world, and you certainly aren't alone.

A week after that, we moved. Just packed up and got out of there. I was on schoolies at the Gold Coast with about 40 people, and one by one they went home, but I just stayed there. No massive farewell party or anything, just kind of faded into the distance. It was sad. Really sad. But it was a new chapter in my life. Oh now I'm sounding like a motivational speaker. I'm even boring myself. Haha yay for me. But anyway, I was terrified about moving, and upset to leave everyone behind, but I think that coming to Ballina has been the best thing for me. It has certainly opened my eyes and shaken me out of that small mindedness that creeps up on you when you live in a place like the Island.

June 16th, 2010.
I get on a plane at Brisbane airport and as it takes off it hits me that I am heading to the other side of the world, completely alone. I literally don't know anybody that I will be working or living with, and all I have with me is one suitcase and a couple of maps. Talk about a new experience!

June 18th, 2010.
I get to camp a day late, and I am the only one not in uniform so I stick out like a sore thumb. It is actually one of the most awkward moments of my life. I start speaking to myself in my own head.
"Stop being a pussy and just introduce yourself to someone."
"I will I swear, not her though, she wasn't looking at me"
"What about her?"
"Mmmmm...too late now"
"Just do it. What's wrong with you?"
"Ok umm....."
"Oh for fuck sake, I'll do it"
So yeah, it was a good start. :| But by the end of the day I had met so many sweet girls, and some of them even turned out to be my best friends there, and I cried my eyes out when they had to go home. How strange is that?

August 17th, 2010.
I wake up in New York city for the first time. I can feel the city all around, it's like, there's this energy that runs through the air and it's exciting and new and I can't stop smiling. I have 8 days ahead of me to fill with whatever I want, and I don't even know where to start.
Before I went away, I meticulously planned everything. I was one of them. I literally had all my days mapped out, down to where I would eat lunch and dinner as well as designated time to wander around the streets. When I got there though, it went out the window completely. I look at it now and wonder what the fuck I was thinking, having it all set out like that. I just woke up every morning, and went out at night not even knowing what to expect, not knowing what I was going to do. It was the best. We got lost in Brooklyn and stumbled upon thrift shops and markets and cute places to eat, I discovered a pretty intense basketball game in Greenwich Village where they played inside this metal fence like something out of a movie, we smoked cigars with random people at 2am, and fell asleep on the subway waaay too many times. I walked along a garden path high above the city, where the grass and plants grew wild and crazy, and spent so much money at lids (the hat shop) that they made me a member. I even got my own card. New York really is the city that never sleeps, and the people are what make it so amazing. Everyone I met, except for one stoned mexican guy on the subway, was so sweet and welcoming. I got invited to hang out with different people every day, and anybody, anywhere is always up for a chat about everything and nothing all at once. Before I went, I was warned not to go anywhere by myself, and told not to be offended if people were rude because "everyone in New York is mean and horrible." I can tell you for sure that I didn't experience that at all. I had the best time ever, saw almost every corner of the city and loved everything about it. You absolutely have to go. All of you.

Aaaand so, somewhere in all this craziness and adventure, my fear of change has evaporated. I don't freak out at the thought of having to introduce myself to someone new, or go somewhere I haven't been before. I love the thought of fresh starts and new looks. Of trying things for the first time. It makes me excited for the future, for my trip later this year with Claire, and for...well...life!