Brand New Eyes,

Today was my second day volunteering at the orphanage in Phnom Penh. The first thing that I realised about the place when I arrived yesterday, was that it is not so much an orphanage as a home for severely disabled and abandoned children and adults. Technically referred to as a "Nutrition Centre," it is home to almost 200 children and adults, most of whom are both physically and mentally disabled. I don't know how to describe it, or where to start, so I'm going to just keep typing and see what happens. I was dropped off this morning at about 9am. The Khmer man that took me out there introduced me to the director of the home, who was lovely. She didn't speak a word of English, but she had kind eyes. We stayed in her office for a while because there were a couple of problems with my placement. There was a bit of an issue regarding my lack of experience working with disabled children, considering that most volunteers there are recent graduates/currently employed as speech or occupational therapists, or at least have some form of nursing experience. I, however, seem to have gracefully slipped through the cracks and ended up miles from the other volunteers. I told her that I would give it a go and try my best, helping out wherever I was needed most. And so began my day. I was taken on a short tour of the building, which was surprisingly big, and as equally surprisingly empty. There was no furniture, and some of the rooms were completely bare. Cream walls. White floors. The hallways are long and thin, with bright sunlight flooding in at the ends-an eerie thing to see in such a depressing place. The bare rooms made me feel uneasy at first, but I think the simpleness of them can be calming for the autistic kids that can't handle too much stimuli. In the first room I saw, there were mattresses and pillows laid out over a 5x5m area, on which 25-30 children were lying. This group of kids were the most severely physically disabled ones in the centre, and so their bodies were all contorted and strange. Some of their expressions were horribly vacant, and I won't lie- it scared the shit out of me. The staff were lifting them up and down, playing with them and singing to them. All the while there were songs like Öld Macdonald"playing in the background. It was a feeble attempt to distract from the haunting sounds of groaning and moaning coming from the other rooms. The second room was better, the kids were more "with it" and it was great to see some smiling and laughing, it was great to see some conscious awareness! The room I worked in on the first morning was one for older kids, who weren't so physically disabled, allowing them to move around in various ways. It was all ages, from 3 years to 28, but that lady could well have been 4. I met two Khmer women and two English volunteers, all of whom are amazing.  The volunteers have been there 3 months as a part of their degrees in something like speech pathology and occupational therapy- I can't really remember. Meeting them, and speaking with them over just 2 days has made me determined to do as much as I can, even if I am overwhelmed and a bit scared. In just 2 and a half months they have completely transformed every aspect of the centre. They explained that when they first arrived, the children would just sit and play with plastic fruit for 3 hours at a time. Then eat, then play with plastic lego or something for another 3 hours. Shit. If you weren't disabled before that, you certainly would be after a few weeks! Now they have integrated all kinds of sensory and interactive games, dancing, stories and singing. Which has really had a visible effect on both the children and the minders. The majority of the kids in that room seem happy enough, but there are always a couple who aren't quite as peachy. I was asking about where the children come from, and where they go after the centre. They said that most of them have been abandoned in homes, at hospitals and at the gates at random times. They really come from everywhere. Just today I met a little blind boy who had been taken to 9 NGO's before this place, and he had been refused from every one. It really is the end of the line. One of the little boys sits in the corner, curled up into himself with his nads covering his eyes and ears. The girls explained that when he was found, he was alone in a room in this house, chained to the floor. No one would be ok after that. There is one little boy in thr group who seems to be developing normally, and the girls think that he is the grandson of one of the Khmer women. I can't help but wonder what the effects of this upbringing will have on his development and his life in the future.
The two Khmer women that work in this room are just beautiful. They deserve more credit than anyone working for any aid agency in the world. All the women who work there (I have not yet seen any men) have such love for the kids, and that is what keeps them doing it day after day. They earn just $20 per month. I was saddened to hear that they could triple their wage if they worked at the dog food factory across the road. It just makes me feel sick. Because of this factory, the entire complex reeks of dog food, I have been told that you "get used to it" after a while, but it still makes my stomach turn. Most of the women at the borey also live their, and have moved their families in to little flats in the complex so they can still work their 24 hour shifts. Yeah, 24 hours. They get days off, but mostly spend them working elsewhere to supplement their income. During our lunch breaks, I have been able to get to know some of the other volunteers, As you might imagine, they are a group of the most dedicated, passionate and loving people I have come across, and they really inspire me. They were saying today that they are so glad I am there to help, because the centre is desperate for more volunteers. When I asked why they don't have enough, they explained that it is not a very kitsch or glamorous job, and people stay for a day but can't handle it. They said that in Cambodia, and similar countries, at the moment there is a serious problem with regards to "tourist orphanages."They told me that particular homes have taken advantage of the fact that certain types of volunteering has become a popular trend with westerners, and they are using it to make a profit. Volunteers who are looking for something a bit more superficial out of the experience; a photo of them with a group of smiling Khmer kids for their facebook, a nice little addition to a resume, or just something to brag about to friends at home, are being used by these not-so-great places as a way to make some money. These orphanages create bogus and completely pointless "English classes" and charge ridiculous amounts for people to volunteer. It is really sad because the kids get screwed over from both sides of the spectrum; they learn nothing, waste time, and have to cope with constant disruption as volunteers rotate every couple of weeks. Even though I would have loved to meet some regular cambodian children, I am happy to think that I'm in a place which needs and appreciates me. I will keep you posted on what's going on, but I have to go because Claire and i are going on a mission to find some cake! :)